Back to school terror…

Yesterday was our school’s big Back to School
Event. All of The Moms were there. It was one of the most stressful days I’ve
had since, well, since I was going back to school. My stomach hurt wondering if
my kids would get the teachers they wanted. Would they get the best teacher for
them? Would their friends be in their classes? Better yet, would the kids who
are the bullies not be in their classes? What if they were miserable? What
if…? What if…? What if…? It made me wonder if I am the only Mom who goes
through this. Do we ever outgrow the back to school panic that we had when we
were the ones going back to school? Several of The Moms gathered to compare
notes. It turns out that for one reason or another, we were all a bit freaked
out. We all had nerves. We all wondered if the kids would have a good year. None
of us slept well the night before either. We jointly made up a game plan to
conquer these nerves. Monday, the first day of school, we are going out for
margaritas for lunch. It may not help our kids, but we are pretty sure it will
help The Moms.
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My latest obsession…

Okay, confession time. I have a new
obsession. I want these guys to come to my house. I need them to come to me. In
fact, I am trying to figure out how to pull off becoming a straight guy just so
they can work their magic on me. Let’s face it, straight men are not the only
ones who have not been blessed with the talent to pull of the ideal wardrobe, be
the perfect chef, decorate my home to the nines, get the ultimate make-over and
still have the social graces to charm the best of them. I admit it. I am the
perfect straight guy. Well, except for the fact that I love men and I have no
penis. Other than that, I am the perfect candidate for the show. Mental note: In
the future, rethink admitting to being the perfect straight guy before stating
it in a public forum. It just doesn’t seem the same in print as it sounded in my
head. I watched like a marathon of this show this week. I have to tell you, I am
jealous as hell of the guys who get these fab make-overs. I am thinking of
protesting and asking them to make an acception to their “straight guy” rule.
Can you picture it with me? “This weekend on an all new “Queer Eye for the The
Straight Guy”, a shocking new twist: The Fab 5 work their magic on one of their
most challenging subjects yet…a woman. Can they take this hopeless,
anti-Martha soccer mom and make her the new Darling of the PTA? Catch an all new
episode this weekend.” It could happen. Does anyone know the email address to
apply? Oh honeyyyy…….
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Such skill

The thing about this guy. He probaby fell
on his ass and couldn’t get up and THEN he discovered he had a skill. Or what
about this woman? Did she just really get surprised one day and realize she
could do this? I am constantly amazed by the things that make people famous
these days. Don’t even get me started on Reality TV!
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Hear that school bell ringing?

It’s that time again. School is starting. We have less than a week to go.
But, who’s counting. Okay, I am. Not for the reasons you may think. I am going
to miss the boys. We have so much fun together. They are my playmates. Yes, I
know I need to get out more. I just really have had fun this summer. Yesterday I
went to the school to get the “Back to School” packets together. We were all
hoping to find out which teachers our kids have this year. But the principal
decided not to put the labels on the packets this year like they have every
year. Bummer. I had a terrible experience one year with a teacher and have from
then on have become quite….”involved” with my kids teachers. I am not going to
sit back during my kids’ schooling. In fact, I am a chairman of 2 different
committees this year. (Or is politically incorrect to say chairMAN? Is it
supposed to be chairperson? Chairlady? Chairparent?) Whatever. I am in charge.
So, here we go. We are going to go from talk of the swimming pool to talk of the
PTA, homework and schedules. Let the games begin.
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The ultimate in hermit accessories…

I may never leave the comfort of my couch again. My Man (my
wonderfully geek-connected husband) got me a wireless internet connection for my
laptop. So, in a sense, I can write, watch Trading Spaces, have a little snack
and never have to get off my couch. (The kids can bring me the snacks. Isn’t
that why we have them in the first place? Free labor?) Think of the
possibilities. I could essentially become the ultimate hermit girl. I could take
the kids to school and never leave my couch again until it was time to pick them
up. Okay, seriously, that doesn’t sound too appealing on a normal day, but being
sick, it sounds like bliss. Because we all know that a mom with 3 kids can lay
on the couch or stay in bed when she is sick, right? Actually, I am pretty sure
that there is a radar deep within the depth of a child’s brain that prompts them
to come racing to a sick mom’s room and ask as many questions as possible, even
if the Dad is in the other room. This weekend I got such questions as: Do cow’s
drink milk? How do things glow in the dark? And my favorite for when I am sick:
How does a fax machine work? What?! I am not sure I can answer any of these when
I am well. When I am sick? I don’t think so! That is when they they hear….Ask
your Dad! With a wireless connect, I could say, “Here, honey, surf the net and
find the answer yourself while Mommy crawls back under the covers and sleeps.”
Ohhhhh, the possibilities!
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