I am up blogging in the middle of the night because I cannot get rid of this horrible, scary nagging feeling about my daughter and her being so sick. I check on her about every 10 minutes. I check her temperature. I put cool rags on her. I rub her back and will her little body to be healthy, be strong and fight this fever and whatever virus is attacking her.
You see, Gabby has been sick for days. Not the “Oh, honey, here is some juice and Advil, go back to bed” sick but the kind of sick where we are watching her around the clock and piggybacking meds to attempt to keep her fever down. (Not very successful but keeping it lower than the danger zone.)
She complained on Wednesday of not feeling very well. By that night she had a 104.7 fever. We medicated her, called the doctor and got her in to see her pediatrician first thing on Thursday. He said she has the flu and it was most likely the H1N1 version. (Most likely?) Since everyone and their brother are freaking out about the swine flu, doctors tend to be seriously under reacting. We were told to keep her hydrated and keep up with the medicine to keep her fever lower and let them know if she became worse. Friday we managed to keep her fever between 102-103 degrees. She seemed to maintain and the doctor said that would be normal.
Of course Friday night after the doctors have gone home to the comfort of their homes, all hell breaks loose with my daughter.
Her fever shoots up. She begins screaming with ear pain. We manage to get that under control. (I think her eardrum burst and gave her the relief she needed. I called the “on call triage nurse” who said that we were doing the right thing and if she got worse and I felt it was life threatening to take her to the ER.
Can I even begin to tell you how much I do not want to take her to an ER with every germ and virus known (and unknown) to man lurking there on the weekends?
In the wee hours of Saturday morning she begins screaming and crying because her bladder hurts. After much water and Advil, the pain subsided and she was pain free within an hour or so. She is still having problems but they are much better.
Finally Saturday afternoon her fever broke. There was much rejoicing. She was getting better AND we avoided the ER.
Until Sunday morning rolled around. Before the sun even rose, her fever spiked again. By mid-morning she was crying and in severe agony with her other ear in pain. I felt so helpless. Hasn’t my baby been through enough already?
We started the piggyback pain meds again only to see that we cannot break her fever. Again.
Clint has been amazing. While I stay up all night and make sure her fever stays in the “safe zone” every couple of hours, he takes the day shift while I sleep. Tag team parenting at its best.
Right now, I should be trying to sleep. Yet, here I am counting the minutes until her doctor’s office opens. Tonight just fills me with restlessness and worry. Tonight has gripped me with fear. Tonight I can’t sleep. What if she needs me tonight? So I sit and listen. And pace. And check on her. And pray. And read. And do all I can to keep my panic attacks that I am so prone to having at bay. For her.
We are sleeping in rooms that attached to each other. Both on couches and within easy hearing range. I can hear her breathing as I type this. I can’t sleep. I just continually, obsessively check on her.
Is there anything as powerful as a sick child that can keep a mom running on nothing more than worry, adrenaline and coffee for days without crashing?
My baby is sick and I have not been able to make her better. That hurts. Please, just let my baby be okay. My little girl just wants to feel better. I just want her to feel better. I want her healthy. That is my plea and my prayer for my girl.
If a mother’s worry were medicine, she would be totally healthy by now. And we would both be sleeping peacefully.