“I am a bad mom.” How many of us have thought that, said that or typed it out? As I was cruising through many mom blogs today, I decided to see how many women had this same thought. The result? Way too many! I am not talking about moms who are neglectful, abusive or actually lack parenting skills. These are moms just like you and me who have bad days. And let me tell you something, ladies: We all have bad days. Bad parenting days. I had one this weekend. (We’ll just go with that one rather than airing out all of my bad mom days.)
I decided to sleep in and let my husband deal with the kids. Then, I had the nerve to work online for most of the day. Again, letting my husband do most of the weekend work. (Though, I have to say, for a mom taking the day off, I sure was doing a lot for the kids!) However, it was the times that I said no to reading one more story and no to playing a board game and even no to just sitting and watching a movie. Honestly? I felt like a bad mom in those moments. And honestly? I was not. And neither are you when you are doing something for yourself or your business.
The moms I came across said they were bad moms for things that are so ordinary, so everyday that I guarantee at least one reader of each of these can relate. (Personally, I related to all of them. I am not sure what that says about me and my Bad Mom Status.)
Let’s take Bad Mom Number One. She claims to be a bad mom for not having milk in the house for almost a day.
Tomorrow I HAVE to go get milk. It has been almost an entire day and the kids act as if they will die from calcium deficiency if they do not have milk in the morning. I know I am a bad mom for running out of milk.
Not a bad mom. A mom who was exhausted and just did not make it to the store that day and forgot to factor in “two extra milk drinkers for a week.” My daughter can only drink Soy Milk and she has gone more than one day without it when I forget about it until 10:00pm and am too exhausted to go out and get it right then.
Then we have Bad Mom Number Two. She is a self proclaimed bad mom because she does not like playing with her son the games he wants to play.
I hate playing cars and dinosaurs and house and all that stuff. I have absolutely no imagination at all and it bores me to death to do so. I watch Edd and Carter play together and pretend to fight monsters or wrestle in the floor and I sit there and wonder why I can’t get into it. I just can’t. Believe me I have tried, I last about 5 minutes before I am bored to tears and start thinking of the million other things I could be doing.
Sorry, but if that makes someone a bad mom, put me right up there in that line. Barbie? She makes me want to cry. Dressing that doll is like a lesson I once had in college physics. That I failed.
We shouldn’t forget Bad Mom Number Three. Her self proclaimed bad mom-ness comes from neglecting to take her 4 1/2 year old daughter to the dentist.
Little Barbie is 4 1/2 and she lost her first tooth today. I’ve been flabbergasted over the whole thing. She isn’t really old enough to lose a tooth? To be honest, I think she tried to open/break something with her teeth and knocked them loose. The bottom two front teeth to be exact. I am a bad mom because I haven’t yet taken her to the dentist…
I am going to have to plead the 5th on that one seeing as I fear the dentist more than I fear a million spiders crawling into my bed when I sleep. Taking myself or my kids every 6 months for a cleaning is unheard of for me. (It is every 6 months right? See? I don’t even know.) Move aside, Bad Mom Number Three. I think I dethroned you on that one.
And then we have a comment left on one of these posts by Janel who simply and honestly stated:
I think I am a bad mom because I put on the TV if I need my own time.
Do you think my youngest can sing every Dora song and High School Musical song by heart because she was programmed that way? Of course not. It is because sometimes Mom needs time to herself. And if an hour or so of TV keeps me sane, bring it on and help me stay sane.
What is my point? Easy. Moms, listen up. You are NOT bad moms because you forgot the milk, didn’t get to the dentist, let your child watch occasional tv or you are not jumping for joy when you are asked to play cars or dinosaurs for nine millionth time. You are human. You are normal. You are a good mom.
Why a good mom? Because for these things–these small, little things that really don’t add up to much in the big picture– bother you so much, they are obviously not only out of the norm for you, but show everyone who reads your words that you are aware. You are on top of your game with parenting so when one little thing happens, you feel as if you have failed. You have not. You are not bad. You just are NOT. Period.
Let’s give ourselves some slack. Are you being your worst enemy? If another mother came up to you and said she was a terrible mom because she forgot to send a bottle of water to school with her daughter–even though she knows she is supposed to every day– and now she must in fact be a bad mom, would you agree with her? Would you look her in the eye and say, “Yes! YES! You are a bad mom, you water forgetting horrible woman!” (I hope you would not because honestly, I usually never forget that water!)
We make mistakes. All of us. Relax. Enjoy your children while they are young. Enjoy being a parent while you have these wonderful kids in your care. And remember, you are not a bad mom. You are a human one.
Jenn is off to be a bad mom and watch her DVR’ed shows rather than making sure she leaves a note to remember the water tomorrow.