Why my son has banned me from meeting his teachers

Last night we had open house for the teen. The students can go, but it is basically for the parents to see the classrooms, meet the teachers and hear what is expected of the kids that year. Since the boy was sick that day, he stayed home. In each class the teacher would ask about him. I got used to the usually response.

“He’s fine. Doing much better. He should be here tomorrow.”

Of course all of that was spoken in my very best Stepford, smiling way. (Have to make a good impression after all.)

Then we met his Theatre teacher and things went downhill. As with every other class, we walked in and introduced ourselves. I expected the same banter I had the previous 5 classes. But no.

She shakes my hand and says, “How’s your mom?”

I replied, “Fine…well…only…ummm… just.. a little bit dead.”

Complete with the hand gesture for “a little bit.” (I can’t make this stuff up.)

I looked at my husband. His mouth was agape with horror.

Flustered and horrified, I frantically slithered to the back of the classroom and sat down. My husband sat down in front of me and turned to look at me.

“What?” I hissed at him.

” ‘Fine? Just a little bit dead?‘ Are you kidding me?”

“She threw me off guard. That is not a normal question. Either you know my situation or you just don’t ask because that is not normal open house conversation. She was supposed to ask about the boy!” I snarled back at him. “What was I supposed to say?”

“Well, just about anything would have been better than that!” Then he turned around shaking his head at his poor pathetic wife.

So, I did what anyone sitting in a junior high classroom who wants to become invisible does. I sank as low in my chair as I could and began to pick at my nail polish just praying the bell would ring soon so I could bolt out of there before anyone noticed me.

I certainly hope she didn’t say anything important because I definitely didn’t hear a word of it.

My bigger mistake came when I relayed the story to the teen.

“Mom! Now she is going to think my mom is completely crazy!”

I gave him my very best ‘Well, DUH‘ look.

[Updated to add: It is okay to laugh at this! I think the teacher had me confused with another parent who probably had a mom who was sick. And trust me when I say, my Mom would think it is hysterical that I answered that way. I think it is funny. The things I say. This is why I am not allowed in public often.]

17 Comments

  1. *tucking that line in my back pocket, just in case*

  2. Snort. Ouch. Coffee. Nose. And I can just see that little “little bit” sign. Snort.

  3. I get that, “I-can’t-believe-you-just-embarrassed-yourself-
    that-way,-and-in-turn,-embarrassed-me-look” all the time.

    http://awholelotofnothing.net

  4. You are sooooo my hero!! I am setting up a shrine to you in my house. My son is going to read this…he will either appreciate me or know he is not alone.

  5. I dunno, maybe it is me… but I don’t think YOU are the one that should have been embarrassed in this case. It was a snarky reply to a question that shouldn’t have been asked.

  6. AWESOME!!!! I love your response! As a teacher, I am embarrassed by the theater teacher’s question!!!!! You don’t ask that!!!! Good God!

  7. My children have banned me from any and all public functions which may require me to meet and greet friends, teachers or wanna-be boyfriends/girlfriends and THEIR parents for simular reasons! (Chuckle)

  8. That probably wasn’t your best answer. Dontcha just hate it when people catch you unprepared, and you say something that you’d really like to take back.

    Cas

  9. I love your website, I just started a new website about parenting, I would love for you to leave me a comment to tell me what you think of it. I would love to exchange links with you! Let me know either way

  10. That was a very odd question. What were you supposed to say? Fine?

  11. This reminds me of a friend whose father had died the year before. It was a small town and she thought everyone knew. Then she met up with an old friend of her father’s one day and the man asked her how her dad was doing these days. She hesitated and then said, “Well…um… I guess you could say that he’s stable.”

  12. ACK! See, that’s why I read this blog. Because I TOTALLY say dumb stuff like that all the time. It just COMES OUT I CAN’T HELP IT. I am so going to humiliate my children in their teenage years.

    /sigh/

  13. I’m sorry, I’m not laughing. *** Well, yes I am. That was funny. I hate it when I do things like that. I fee like such a dork.

  14. Your response sounds completely normal to me given the unexpectedness (is that even a word? Whatever…) of the question. And it suits you to say “just a little bit” and do the hand gestures, hehe.

  15. The teacher must have felt worse than you do. I mean she basically put her foot in her mouth by mistaking you for another mom. I think you did just fine. She’s the one who should be embarrassed.

  16. Hahaha….that would’ve been exactly what I would’ve said if I had been asked that and if my Mom was…haha…a little dead. HAHAHA…..You are too funny!

    Found you on Blog Catalog and glad I did!

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