I came home from BlogHer with ulcers on my corneas. Feel free to vomit in your mouth over the pain that you must be imagining. It is that awful. The first day, I had to put drops in my eyes every 15 minutes. I didn’t even pee that often when I was 9 months pregnant and I had a 9 pound baby playing soccer with my bladder. Sadly, I was able to judge this by the mid-point of every NickJr show that exists and I was forced to
watch listen to.
(Sidenote: If I have to listen to Timmy Turner one more day I am going to jam that little pink hat right down his tiny little pip squeak voiced throat. And Jimmy Neutron? Thinking of putting his big over-sized head into a very tight vice and give him and atomic noogie. I’m just sayin’!)
At least the next day was up to every half hour. I could move on to the Disney Channel half hour shows. (What? For all intents and purposes, I was blind. How could I do anything more with my kids?)
After putting the antibiotic drops in my eyes for about the bajillionth dose that day, I complained about the nasty taste. My wonderful smart-ass son spoke up:
“It tastes bad? You said it tastes bad? You do know you have to put them in your EYES mom. Your. EYES. I’m pretty sure your EYES don’t have tastebuds.”
Who raised this boy? It’s not like he got that kind of smart mouth from me!
And then of course I have my tween who must’ve received that gene from his father as well. While going to put in my new Wild Hogs DVD, I began to get quite irritated with the chaos of the state of our DVDs. They are disorganized. Uncategorized. A mess. The majority of them having been ransacked by the kids. All three of them. So I began to rant about it.
“Where is my new DVD? Where? I have not even had the chance to watch it. What happened? I cannot find it anywhere in this house! Arghhhhh!”
To which my tween looks at me and calmly says:
“The one in your hand, Mom? That one? Ummm, maybe if you had put it on the shelf or say…the DVD player, it would’ve been easier to find.”
Seriously? Where did this come from. I blame their father. Those of you who know their father will most certainly agree. Those of you who do not know him, certainly will agree. It isn’t like I am a smart-ass. Right? RIGHT?!