But I graduated!

Tonight I had one of my World Famous Anxiety Attacks. (Stop by the gift shop and pick up your souvenir mugs and hats–sponsored by the makers of Xanax.) I am talking about one of those chest constricting, can’t breathe, coming out of my skin type of anxiety attack. What was I doing when it kicked into high gear?

Filling out back to school paper work for the kids.

Wha-huh?

I am not going back to school. I do not have to take tests, write papers or deal with peer pressure. I will still be working at home. Just with less little people around.

I have a manuscript deadline and article deadlines that don’t give me anxiety attacks. I have people who need things from me everyday who do not give me anxiety attacks. Yet one night of filling out back to school paper work had me completely freaked out.

Again…wha-huh?

Is it because I am signing back on with the Stepfords again? Is it because I am volunteering in both schools this year? Is it because I thoroughly enjoy my kids’ company and really do not want them to go back to school? (Yes, I am serious. Read back at most of my back to school entries. I hate when they go back after a long time at home.)

I want to be involved with the kids and their education.

I want to be a presence in the schools–known and knowing who’s who.

I want to help out.

I do not feel like I have signed on to do too much. To be honest, I almost feel as if I need to should do more. (And we all know that is not the right decision. I am right where I should be on what I have committed to do.)

I filled out paperwork and had an anxiety attack that registered off the charts. (If these things were registered in some way.)

What. The. Hell.

Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

12 Comments

  1. I think if I had a panic attack at home I would just be beside myself! I think it’s the only place I have never HAD one, although I don’t have them very often anymore. *looking for wood or something to knock on*

    So … there’s always that home schooling option .. er .. some people like it. It wasn’t for me – I liked my kids to be taught by people who knew something! Never know though, could be for you!

  2. Oh man, that’s the pits Jenn, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I hope you are doing ok now. The girls started back to school here on August 1st. It’s always hard when they do go back, even though I work full time out of the house. I liked getting the phone calls during the day…and just generally being a part of their lives even though I wasn’t there physically.

  3. No anxiety about the anxiety. Don’t give it the power.

    Any change in routine, good or bad, can get anyone out of sorts. Before you know it, you’ll be back in the routine.

    Now, go write us some PTA stories.

  4. I can’t diagnose you from afar or tell you that “all will be well”, but I can assure you that no matter how little you do in your children’s schools, it will be more than someone else, and it will be valuable. Don’t pressure yourself to do more than you can. Quality, not quantity. Remember?

  5. I am a rookie blogger and found your blog by searching around. My blog is brand new and is called A Parent’s Blog.

    I was wondering if you would be so kind as to exchange links with me so I can get my foot in the door and begin to build my blog up.

    The site’s address is http://www.aparentsblog.com

    Regardless, if you don’t want to exchange links, may I still add your blog to mine?

    Please let me know.

    Thanks

    Angela (mom2be)

  6. Deep breath! It may be that you realized you have a whole school year’s worth of PTA stuff ahead of you & got overwhelmed somehow…one thing at a time. You can do it! Do it for those of us who can’t! Like me, who will be busy going to class, writing papers, taking tests….

    btw – I used to comment as ishouldbeworking, but long story short, my asshole ex-employers no longer felt the need for my services, and told me so – the day after I returned from vacation. 🙁

  7. Who wouldn’t have a panic attack just thinking about all the back-to-school hoopla????

    I, on the other hand, would need to be hospitalized if they DIDN’T go back to school. Enough, already!

  8. As a chronic sufferer of panic attacks I can tell you that my worst days of running around like a lunatic might not cause a panic attack, but an evening sitting around watching TV petting the cat just may. In other words — panic attacks have no rhyme or reason. It is just a function of organics. Your brain is just hotwired that way — which is what makes it sooooooo frustrating!

    So take a deep breath and relax! Remember this: your brain can only process ONE thing at a time. So when you get a panic attack, try your best to focus on something else. A favorite song is my best advice. And remember, there is always better living thru chemistry!!

    Hang in there — this too shall pass!

  9. HA! I came close to doing the same the other day. I only have one starting too. However, there was a mound of paperwork, and then ballet paperwork, and AWANAS paperwork, volunteer paperwork. Darling I had a file folder FULL. And the cash out pile kept getting bigger and bigger…

    And this being my FIRST YEAR of this business!

    HOLY moley

  10. Dude, you and me both. I hate the thought of my kids going back to school. But now that it’s started, I’m adjusting. Sort of.

  11. Ugh..the paperwork. I wrote about that today. But brava!!! to you for getting involved. As soon as I get my bearings and get back into the groove, I’ll be doing the same.

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