Let’s start with the easy one. Well, the one that is easiest to talk about, actually. I will tell you the heartbreak of boxing up and the terror of breakdowns in the next entry (or two).
With one of my last entries being about how hard it is to be jonesing for a fix when I am hurting so badly, I wanted to share the good stuff. I am proud to tell you that on March 6, 2006, I celebrated my 6th “birthday” in recovery. That’s right. 6 years clean. Let me tell you something about how hard it was to hit 6 years. I really didn’t think I would make it this time. I mean, why would I? Why should I? What did it matter? Those were all of the thoughts that ran rampant in my mind when we knew we were losing Mom and after her death. A pill? It couldn’t hurt. I would make me feel so much better!
I had opportunity. I had means. And I had a lack of my normal support system that gets me through these times. No meetings or sponsors or anyone who gets it and would keep my ass accountable. But I made it through. I resisted. (And was quite the bitch for it, let me just be clear on that. A clean addict who is fighting and not caring if she is clean is not a fun person to be around.)
But I did it. I am officially clean 6 years. And damn proud of it!