I am tired. Tired deep in my bones tired. Not tired like “Gee, I could go for a quick cat-nap” tired. But, more like “oh for the love of all things snoozeworthy, is there a newborn in the house that I forgot about because this mama’s not sleeping!” kind of tired. Clint was talking to me this evening and I can’t be entirely sure I didn’t fall asleep mid-sentence. While standing up. In the kitchen. With a toddler pulling on my shirt. In fact, I can’t even promise that I will stay awake long enough to finish this entry. I am That. Tired.
Insomnia is a bizarre thing. At first, when I realize that I am hitting one of those “no-sleeping” phases, I accept it and stock up on books to read during the late night hours. Sometimes if it is bad enough, a movie or two as well.
Then a few days into it I start getting a bit grumpy. (By a bit grumpy I mean biting the heads off of bats and small animals.*) But I can function. To some degree. Oh sure, I am a walking danger zone waiting to inflict unusual accidents upon unsuspecting people who have actually slept, but I am not completely out of control. Yet.
Now we hit the “Oh for the love of slobber sleeping can I please get some sleep?” phase. It amazes my children that I can be looking them right in the eyes and have no clue as to what they are saying. It is quite possible that I fell asleep while they were talking.
Now, if only I could bank these little naps and make them count for something, I would be doing much better.
The problem with this, although it is highly entertaining to those around me, is that I have the concentration of a …..something that can’t concentrate. This does not help me out when I am supposed to be writing. Work at home? Sure. I sit and stare at that blinking cursor for hours. After a while it starts talking to me.
Cursor: What are you looking at?
Me: You. You’re fascinating. Just blink blink blink
Cursor: Are you mocking me? You think it is easy having this job? Think again, sister.
Me: Oh what? Like it is a tough life to just do nothing but blink all day. I do that without thinking.
Cursor: At steady intervals? ALL the time? With no breaks? I dare you to try it. You think you’ve lost your mind now, just wait until you add that to your routine.
Me: Hey! Are you calling me crazy?
Cursor: Look, I am not the one talking to a computer screen and a blinking cursor, lady.
Me: Good point.
Yeah, I’m tired. Why are you looking at me that way? It’s not as if I have totally lost my mind. I am just so very tired. In fact, I think that I just may fall asleep right…….