Because our relationship has been so disfunctional lately, I thought perhaps we should finally talk about it. I thought that if I didn’t mess with you as much, you would begin to want to cooperate with me. I now see that tactic won’t work with you. Oh sure, in your defense you can point at the fact that I have ignored you far too long for you to be able to forgive me so easily. I admit it. I have neglected you. It wasn’t that I don’t care. Honestly, I do care. But, let’s face it, you really are pretty high maintenance. It isn’t like you would put up with a $7.00 haircut. No, you must have a master cutter in order for you to show any signs of appreciation. I am not made of money, you know. I do the best I can to make you happy. Haven’t you noticed that I have stopped using the cheap shampoo and am back to using the more expensive stuff that you love so much? That should tell you something. I am willing to work on our relationship.
And before you start in on the current condition of your highlights, you have to understand something. You see, I think you look really great highlighted. I really do! You become very sleek and sexy and, yes, I do notice the extra bounce in you when you have a good highlight job. Yet, you think you are too good for the “at home” kits. So, again, we must go to a color specialist to satisfy your snobby nature. Do you know how expensive that can be? So, yes, I do know that you are embarrassed to be seen in public right now. But, does that mean you have to pout? I mean, seriously, we both could do without the dull, flat personality you have displayed latey. (If we can even say you have a personality right now. I wonder some days if you haven’t just given up and died on me.) I swear your highlights and cut are the next big ticket item I will splurge on. I promise!
Therefore, can you please knock off the attitude? You pretend you will cooperate with me and then, when we go out in public, you decide to fall and just lay there limp and sad. Don’t even get me started on the horrible things you have been doing when in the presence of a camera. Those things are inexcusable.
So, if I promise to call today to make you an appointment with your favorite master cutter, will you please work on your pathetic attitude and your brutal attempts to cause me nothing but embarrassment over your behavior? Don’t make me pull out my old banana clip that I have from 1987. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us.