I’ve been trying to write every day. I have been doing it so far. But the drivel I am putting to paper is shameful. How in the world did Hemingway and other fellow writers create such masterpieces while drunk, drugged, or in some way out of their minds? I can’t believe I used to take on a daily basis at least 4x the amount of meds I am taking now and I went about my every day chores and errands without even a blip on my “derp-o-meter.” But now? Ohhhhhhh, I am derp to the extreme much to the amusement (and frustration) of my family.
Me to my husband: “Can you go to the…that place…you know…that place we go…uhhh…they have things you buy… you know what I mean…that..what do you call it??”
Husband: “Do you mean a grocery store?”
Me: “Yes! Words are hard.”
And then I was embarrassed so I became all “I’m good.” I tried to convince him I was just kidding. We both knew better.
What I love about this so much is that I HATE IT! I really don’t like the medicated feeling. I don’t like feeling so fuzzy and out of it. Once I was all about the high. Now? I truly get frustrated and cannot stand that this is where I have to be right now.
Before you ask, yes, I have spoken to my sponsor and keep this closely under observation. And, yes, I spend most of my time sleeping so that 1) I don’t feel as much pain and 2) so I don’t have to feel that icky feeling.
But I write. Because I said I would. And so I am.
If you think this sucks, try reading my NaNoWriMo work. Now that? That is pathetic. But? I am writing and that is what I need. Now more than ever.
PS- I am doing MUCH better and am way more successful so far at NaNaTaMo. I RULE that one.
So, how YOU doin’?