A common question people like to ask when interviewing someone or simply getting to know them is “What regrets do you have in life?” I really don’t like that question. I’ve said it before. I just don’t do regrets. Everything in my life that happened, good and bad, has made me who I am today. If I take one of those away, it changes who I am. Oh certainly there are things that hurt and I would’ve elected not to go through if I had a choice at the time, but looking back, I’ve learned from them.
That includes relationships with people.
I’ve been told all my life (and it’s true) that if I love you, I love you with all of my heart. And I will love you forever. (In a good way, though. Not that scary book way.) (I am talking about friendships here for the most part. Close relationships that for one reason or another fade away.) It would really take something very horrible to cause me to cut someone that I love out of my life for good. Really, only one person comes to mind when I think about that happening. Even today, if she called me up out of the blue after decades of not hearing from her, I would meet her for drinks and talk. Who knows when an old friendship may emerge again?. I just don’t have it in me to change my heart like that. My heart knows that if you were once loved by me, you will always be welcome back. That is just how I work.
On the flip side, if we were just casual friends or I liked you, but we weren’t close enough to say I love you or even if we have never been anything but a glare from across the room, watch out. I have also been told that if you have hurt me deeply or crossed me unforgivably or, god forbid, crossed my children, you will experience a new kind of wrath. I do not seek you out to hurt you. I don’t do anything to you. I don’t fight with you. I won’t curse you. I won’t even talk about you. Why? Because if you have had the power to get me that upset with you, you no longer exist in my life. Literally. I have been known to stand in a room with someone who has crossed me one too many times and you would never even know she was in the room. You simply do not exist.
This makes for very interesting situations when you find yourself in a room with someone I love and someone who is on my “You don’t exist” list. We in the loop like to refer to it as a PTA meeting. *grin*
Why do I bring this up? Because it has been one blast from the past after another lately.
A friend that I used to spend hours a day talking to (either online or on the phone) found me the other day through this website. We haven’t had contact in years. So, when he does finally email me, the email starts with “So, anyway, where were we…?” I loved that! That so sums up how I am with people in my life. Even if we have lost touch for one reason or another, it is like we never missed a beat. Let me tell you, it filled me with such joy to connect with an old friend like that. (No offense, old friend. I meant old as in we’ve been friends for a long time not old as in “What’s up grandpa?”) The cool thing was that he never sweated whether or not his email or presence would be welcomed. Like I said, if you know me, and you know you were a part of my heart, you are always welcome.
Then, just this week, a best friend from high school called me out of the blue. I haven’t talk to her on the phone is decades. DECADES! We have kept up with the occasional email to announce movings, the birth of babies and other big events in our lives, but that was the extent. It was absolutely amazing talking to her! She sounded exactly the same as she did in high school. Although now, instead of talking about the cute boys in homeroom, we were talking about how cute our CHILDREN are. Our children for goodness sake! She told me that she never hesitated to call me because she she was pretty sure our last parting was on good terms. (You see, she and I had a very roller coaster type friendship. We went from best friends to rivals to friends and back more times than either of us could count. None of it mattered in the long run. We were friends.)
(I think that is one reason I love this site! When my old friends find me and let me know they found me, it makes me giddy! Okay, a 30 something giddy doesn’t sounds so cool, but trust me, it is fun to find old friends!)
I guess that is just how I am in life. If I lose touch with someone, either by choice or circumstances, it is more like a long pause than a goodbye. I don’t do goodbyes. I just put things on pause and catch up when we can. Does that make sense? Are you one to end things if the friendship is fading or do you just move on and forget about it? Do you welcome people from your past into your life or would you rather those doors be closed? I am fascinated by how people react to “blast from the past” in their own lives. Do tell!