The PTA Mom…exposed

Okay, so by now you know that I am a PTA mom. It hasn’t been until recently that I realized that there are various, shall we say, distinct subspecies of the PTA mom.

Did you know that the term “PTA mom” is actually a broad term for an entire species? (Did you even know that there was subspecies of the PTA mom?) I didn’t used to know that either. But, alas, I have become educated and would like to share it with you.

First, let’s bust the myth of the definition that is apparently the most commonly thought to be correct; that is, that a PTA mom is just a mom that is a member of the PTA. Wrong! Oh sure, in the broadest, most vague sense, that is correct. But let me tell you something, there are most definitely subspecies of this creature. (PTA Dads, from my studies, I have found that you usually fall into one of these subspecies that I will get into later. You have not been forgotten.) Let us learn of these creatures.

There is the PTAnal Militant Mom. You know her. Everyone knows her. You see, she is the one who is in the forefront. She wants all the glory and the recognition. Usually you will find her heading up one or several committees, most likely the president or vice president of her school’s PTA. She is the one who believes that, in fact, the school would crumble without her. Ahhh, the arrogance runs deep. Don’t try to get something done with her if you have not followed the proper procedure first. We are serious about this now. (She is probably taking a memo of this little lesson in triplicate right now.) She will reduce you to tears if you do not do things her way. She turns away the newbies and the moms who can’t give more than 30 hours a week. Working moms? Forget it. They can’t possibly do the job that she wants done! Make no mistake; crossing this PTAnal Militant mom will leave you with scars.

Then we have the PTAll Mom. She wants to be involved in everything. And since she wants that so badly, you must want it, too. She will be the one to call you long after you have told her you are not able to do whatever it is she wants you to do. She does not take no for an answer. Once she senses any weakness she goes in for the “ever-so-sweet” kill. She shows up at every event more than willing to do whatever is needed to be done….as long as everyone knows that she was there doing whatever it is that needs to be done. She is at the school more than the teachers. She is almost always perky. (Even without coffee.) This is the mom who knows everything about everyone at the school and is more than willing to let you know whatever it is you want to know. She is a great gossip. A great go-to gal for the latest dish.

Then we have the PTAhh-whatever Mom. (This is also the species that most of the PTA Dads that I know fall into.) They are the moms and dads who just want to be able to help out at the school. They joined PTA to be able to know what is going on with their kids and the school. They are usually the naive ones who have no idea that there is a vicious behind the scenes story happening. They are the fun parents at the parties. The ones the kids want to go on the field trips with them. Truly, they are in this for their kids and just want to help out. This sub-species is the most sought after of the PTA species.

Of course, we must include the PTAway Mom. While these are the most common, they are rare to see. These are the parents who join the PTA to say that they have supported the school, yet they have never been seen or heard from. They are ideal for the PTAnal Militant Mom because she can boast numbers without having to deal with the “little people”. We have seen many of these PTAway Moms/Dads move into the PTAhhh-whatever sub-species after they have some time and experience under their belt.

So there we have it. The PTA Mom devided into the 4 major sub-species. PTAnal Militant Mom, PTAll Mom, PTAhh-whatever Mom, and PTAway Mom.

Any questions?

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